I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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