Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
