Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
