I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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