Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
