did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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