Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
