the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
