last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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