I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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