Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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