Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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