So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
