to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
