He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
