I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
