Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
