You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
