Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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