just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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