The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
