Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
wow bdsm is so cute
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
