Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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