Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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