Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just googled if crying burns calories
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize