I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize