ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize