I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
