My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
