Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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