I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
