wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
