i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
