The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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