I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
