I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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