I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
