I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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