my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize