Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
