So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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