I think I am morally bankrupt
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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