I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
