is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize