My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
