Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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