With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
