imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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