If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
we're so committed to being not committed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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