Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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