I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
