You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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