I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
