Please, let me fuck your mom
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
