my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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