trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
