I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
