So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My life is pants optional.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
