Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
