a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
