im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
