my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
