I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize