I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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