Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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